I have always made art, written poetry, documented my experiences as a compulsion to help me understand and cope with the world, until recently I would destroy most of this work. Since I was child painting, sculpting and collage have been a neccesity to my mental wellbeing but I never saw the products as something to be treasured or shown. I was never fully comfortable with others seeing my work, as the process of creating was so intimate and personal the idea of letting others in terrified me. I also felt as though I did not deserve to make art, I was not worthy.
I now understand this is down to imposter syndrome, in which I never feel worthy of the platform or titles I earn. I always feel inadequate, this has come about by years of not being believed as a teenager who was a victim of sexual violence, not believed by instutions that were meant to protect me. And this silencing has continued as a young disabled woman with chronic illness. In which I have continually been silenced, as have not been believed as a credible witness to my own bodily experience, I, therefore, have not felt my own narratives were worthy of a platform. This imposter syndrome, driven by internalised sexism and ableism towards myself is something I have tried to tackle and fight against by creating online collections of the works that survived in spite of my impulse towards destruction.
I am now in the process of creating works I intend to exhibit. I am working on a series called 'Undressing Trauma' in which I am exploring this cyclical silencing, my work aims to resist this feeling of being an 'imposter' for myself and other sick and/or disabled people as our lived experiences are vital to resisting and challenging the spaces and societies we inhabit. Our voices are valid.